Between the beach invites, wedding s, and pressure to “make the most of it,” summer can start to feel like one big RSVP you forgot you made. But what if doing less was actually the vibe? At KHAMSA we decided to speak with Dr. Bisi Laniyan, a UK-trained clinical psychologist at Sage Clinics, about the power of saying no, setting boundaries when the sun’s out, and why your FOMO might be trying to tell you something deeper.
Consider this your permission slip to sit this one out.
١. Why do so many of us feel pressure to say yes to every summer plan, event, or trip, even when we’re tired?
It’s easy to blame FOMO, and that does play a role, especially with social media showcasing everyone’s curated summer highs. But the real pressure to say yes often goes deeper. It can stem from a lifelong habit of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or even how we associate our self-worth with how available or “social” we appear to others.
In the UAE, this pressure is amplified by our multicultural and often transient communities. There’s a subconscious urgency to make the most of every opportunity, especially before friends travel for the summer or move on to other countries. Many residents already juggle demanding work schedules and extended family expectations, so when summer rolls in, instead of slowing down, people pile up travel, kids’ activities, and social commitments.
It becomes a competition of doing, not being.
Saying yes to everything often masks a fear of disappointing others or being left behind, or the fear of being alone or lonely. But it comes at a cost: our energy, focus, and emotional regulation. The more we avoid disappointing others, the more we end up disappointing ourselves.
٢. How can we start recognizing the early signs of overcommitting, before we hit burnout or social fatigue?
Burnout rarely arrives with flashing red lights. It’s more like a slow leak. One of the earliest signs is when things that used to excite you start to feel like obligations. You may feel a sense of dread or resistance before going to an enjoyable event. This is often accompanied by irritability, emotional numbness, or snapping at those closest to you.
Physically, you might notice persistent fatigue despite sleeping, tension in your shoulders or jaw, or changes in appetite. Emotionally, you may start feeling anxious even when your schedule looks “fun” on paper.
That’s your nervous system waving the white flag.
Working long work hours, with extended family visits, and high-paced lifestyles are common here, and many people ignore or normalize these signs. Culturally, there’s a belief that “rest is earned,” or that taking a step back means you’re not ambitious or social enough. But learning to notice these signs early gives you the power to intervene before you crash. Think of it as mental health hygiene, not indulgence.
٣. What are some gentle, respectful ways to say “no” without feeling guilty or like we’re letting people down?
Many people struggle to say no because they’ve been taught it’s synonymous with rejection. But you can decline warmly and firmly without damaging relationships. A helpful structure is: Affirm the invitation, state your boundary clearly, then express appreciation.
Thank you for inviting me. I’ve had a full week, and I need to recharge this weekend. I’ll have to pass, but please keep me in mind for next time.
That sounds like a beautiful gathering. I’m prioritizing some downtime right now. I hope it’s a great turnout.
Social obligations can carry a lot of weight, so it’s important to maintain respect while still being honest. For instance, instead of giving vague excuses, try framing your “no” as a proactive choice for wellbeing:
I want to be fully present when I show up, and right now I need to refuel. Let’s catch up soon one-on-one.
Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about showing up better when you do say yes. The more you practice this, the more confident and connected you’ll feel.
٤. Why do boundary‑setting and self‑care feel especially difficult during summer, when everything is supposed to be “fun”? And how do we reframe that narrative?
Summer carries an emotional weight. It’s when we’re told we should make memories, saying yes to everything, seizing the moment. Social media reinforces this myth: long vacations, glowing events. When everything is framed as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, saying no feels like you’re “wasting” the season.
But here’s the truth. Fun is only fun when you’re mentally and emotionally available to enjoy it. You must be present to actually experience this ‘fun’.
Without boundaries, even joyful plans can become draining. This is compounded by the fact that summer also brings logistical pressures: extreme heat, school breaks, altered work schedules, and family travel. So, while the intention is to rest, people often end up overbooked and overheated; literally and emotionally.
Reframing is key. Self-care isn’t an interruption to summer, it’s what sustains it. When you respect your limits, you make space for deeper presence, better connections, and longer-lasting joy. Fun that comes at the expense of your wellbeing isn’t really fun, it’s a façade.
٥. How can we balance social time with true rest, especially in cultures or families where being constantly available is expected?
This is a common challenge, especially in collectivist cultures where being present for family, friends, and the community is a sign of respect and love. This could mean anything from hosting relatives flying in from abroad, to attending daily social events during a heat-heavy July and August.
The key is to communicate your needs without guilt. Start by scheduling your rest as intentionally as your commitments. Block out rest periods in your calendar and treat them as appointments with your wellbeing. Let your inner circle know:
I’m taking the afternoon off to recharge. I’ll be back online later.
Introduce boundaries gradually, especially if people aren’t used to you saying no. For example, instead of vanishing from all plans, offer an alternative that works for you:
I can’t make the full gathering, but I’d love to pop in for an hour.
Let’s do something low-key like a walk or coffee instead of a big event.
You’re not rejecting your culture or family. You’re honouring your energy so you can show up more meaningfully. Constant availability may look generous, but it can lead to quiet resentment. Sustainable connection requires rest.
٦. Any quick mental health check‑in tools or prompts you recommend before we RSVP “yes” to yet another summer plan?
Absolutely. Before saying yes, pause for 30 seconds and ask yourself these five quick questions:
- Energy: Do I have the emotional and physical energy for this? Or will I be pushing through
exhaustion? - Desire: Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel I should?
- Timing: Does this fit into my current bandwidth, or will it cost me sleep, peace, or recovery
time? - Alignment: Is this helping me build the summer I actually want or is it just filling space?
- Resentment: Will I feel lighter or heavier after saying yes?
If the answers raise hesitation or resistance, it’s okay to delay your response. You can say, “Let me get back to you,” and check in with yourself privately before committing.
Think of this as your personal RSVP filter. It protects your time and energy and ultimately ensures you’re saying yes to the things that truly align with who you are and how you want to feel.
